Hearing those cries the day I gave birth was the most beautiful thing to happen to me. Giving life, the pain, feeling responsible was the beginning of an unknown chapter in my life.
Motherhood was difficult but beautiful, I looked forward to seeing my baby girl every moment. She was a delight and always laughing. I noticed delays in her sitting, crawling, and even walking but I was convinced all was well because I had always been assured, babies are different and achieve their milestones at varying rates.
At 24 months I started noticing a few things that started to worry me like, hand flapping, continuously grinning, and her love for spinning playfully. I just thought she was being a child but what worried me the most was that at 2 years, she could barely say three words. On top of that, whenever you called her name, she would never look in your direction neither would she respond. I comforted myself by thinking she was simply ignoring me.
I remember one day looking at her and thinking, “ … is this child normal?” That is the day I took my phone, went into google, and entered all these traits that did not make sense to me.
Autism?
This was something I had never heard of! What is Autism? I was in denial and besides the correct age for diagnosis was 4-5 years! I quickly brushed the thoughts out of my head and decided to just be there for my child.
The years quickly went by, sooner than I expected she was four and still, could hardly do the activities she was meant to at that age, including engaging in play with other children. I had to face reality and book an appointment for a diagnosis.
Yes, she was autistic! She could hardly concentrate on one single activity for a minute. She would shred any pieces of paper she got a hold of, struggle to hold a spoon properly to feed herself, had sensory texture when it came to edibles, and the most heart-breaking still no speech.
I would cry myself to sleep every night, resent myself and my child because the world would not understand. I was going half-crazy from everyone’s judgment! the comments, the glares in public when she would have a sensory meltdown! I preferred her being indoors but I think that only agitated her more. Kindergarten was difficult because she could hardly concentrate on any given activities or do any homework.
I was crashing and that only made things harder. At this point, my mental health was fast becoming a great concern to me and others. I am grateful to God for a wonderful family and my good friend Tinotenda, who also had a child on the spectrum of Autism as mine. He too was questioning my mental state and then supported me in my journey to accepting my situation.
Through acceptance, I made the decision to spend more time with my child by quitting my 9-5 job and finding a source of income that allowed me to be the mom I needed to be. In turn, I have come to witness all her amazing milestones and I have never been happier.
Today, I have created a world in which my daughter can be happy. I have accepted that she has sensory meltdowns, she only eats certain foods, she communicates in a way that’s best for her, and has different sleeping patterns.
The truth is it is a lot; however, I have been gifted with a child that needs extra attention in order to engage her and it’s been magic. A lot of children like mine, grow up to be super talented! Their condition just requires early identification and intervention. It also requires us, as parents to discover who they are and what they love. The only way to support our children is to be aware of the challenges and joys of raising them.
We have spoken about the difficulties, however, rest assured there are a whole lot of awesome bits that make spending time with my angel such a blessing. She always has the most love to give to me with her bountiful bag full of cuddles and kisses. She is such a happy six-year-old and oh yes, she takes my plate to the sink after eating. It is the little things that make such a difference in life.
Thinking about the positive aspects of autism can change the opinions of many and open doors to great new opportunities. Communities need to be more understanding and inclusive as we change how we respond and react to people living with autism.
My advice to parents that have just had their child diagnosed with Autism is, don’t beat yourself about this! Think of it this way; at least you know what is going on rather than not knowing at all. A positive approach will build strong bonds which are the foundations for good development and quality of life. We are not experts; however, this is your life now, this is your new normal. I cannot promise that it will get easier but once you create a world that is functional for your child, you will get better at dealing with it.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
Written by Bekezela Loveness Khanye.
You're a great mommy and you have an awesome child! God bless everyone
Thank you very much for sharing your story. One day many people are going to say 'because of u, we didn't give up'
May God continue to give you strength.